Daylight
by Alice-Bella
Summary: The crazy adventures of the fantastic four: Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Jacob.
1. Author's Note

Author's Note

**The name delivers: this is defiantly the opposite of Twilight. Now, before we go any farther, we would like to say that our hearts go out to all the BellaxEdward fans, but to make this story work, we had to make it BellaxJacob. Please refrain from throwing things at us! This is our first fanfiction, so please be nice. We really messed up some of the characters, but it's more fun this way.**

**Also, we have some original characters that you might want to know about. **

**Almost Edward: he has a bit of a hero complex and he has a life-long dream to truly be Edward, but alas, he is Edward…almost.**

**The Who: our evil, murderous Vice Principle. He has been know to kill children and stick them in the air-vents and his dream is to bring us to the dark side.**

**Shoes: the Who's most loyal follower, bent on destroying all resistance to the Who. He can teleport through light-switches and he fuels a secret passion for all 4 main characters. (yes, even the men) **

**Trombone: the devilishly charming trombone player in music class. All the girls want him and all the guys want to be him, but alas, none of them have the skills to play…TROMBONE!! 3**

**CHAD BROWN: the most amazingly cool civics/careers/history teacher in all the land. His name cannot be said, you must scream it in a hardcore fashion. **

**We will probably add more characters later on in the story. Enjoy!**

**Bella & Alice**

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the wonderful characters that we do not. But we all know that we are far too charming to sue anyways. Please let this be a disclaimer for all future chapters.**_

**PS Jacob is now Australian. Get over it. **


	2. First Sight

**Jasper: It was the first day of school…a fresh start, a new beginning. Except for the way it started…continued…and ended. That was the day I met…him. Now I'm not gay or anything. My heart beats simply for Alice, but….it's hard to explain. I suppose you'll find out eventually-**

**Alice: Jasper, sweetie, you know I love your voice, but I think it's about time we started with the story. **

**Jasper: I was just trying to build suspense! What do you guys think?**

**Jacob: Well, I think it sounded a bit gay, mate. Ya know, with the whole '**_**That was the day I met… him' **_**If Alice said it, it would sound alright, but when you say it just sounds... well, gay.**

**Jasper: Really?**

**Alice: Yeah, Jazz, you might wanna cut back on the narrating just a bit. **

**Bella: Yeah, Jasper, I think I have to agree with Jacob on this one. That was, the Gayest. Opening paragraph. Ever.**

**Jasper: Well, if you all think so…**

**All: WE DO!**

**Jasper: sighs angrily Narration terminated.**

It was a typical day in music class or, for lack of a better term, the Circus. The drums were beating, the trumpets were trumpeting, and Trombone was stealing the show…and…our hearts. It seemed like your average day. The Ringmaster (or our music teacher) was shut up in her office. All the students were chatting to their heart's content. Alice and Bella were discussing their usual unusual topics while Jacob franticly attempted to win Bella's attention.

"GAWD! Why aren't Mitchell and Tyler in this class?" yelped Alice.

"They're such lame-wads!" replied Bella gustily.

Suddenly Jacob began poking Bella in the arm. "Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella!"

"Yes?" she answered, turning around.

"Hi." he said with a huge smile on his face.

Bella rolled her eyes and continued her conversation. "If there was a town called Lames-Ville, they would be the mayors!"

"Yeah, sure Bella." replied Alice, looking a bit frightened. "Did you know, that I bought seventeen pairs of piano shoelaces this weekend?"

Now it was Bella's turn to look frightened. "SEVENTEEN?? Why on earth would you need that many?"

"Well, I have a lot of sho-" she began.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella." started Jacob once again.

"OI!" exclaimed Bella, again turning around to look at him.

"Your hair is long." he said, smiling.

"I've noticed." she answered, returning to her conversation.

"As I was saying!" said Alice. "I have a lot of shoes, and you never know when you might need an extra pair of piano laces."

"That makes sense….I guess." answered Bella, looking out the window.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella." once again, Jacob.

"WHAT!?!?!?" Bella yelled.

"There's someone at the door!" Jacob answered. "MS! There's someone at the door!" he yelled gleefully. 

The Ringmaster burst out of her office. She looked around with her nostrils flared. "EVERYONE!!! Silence!!!!" She went to the door. She opened it, and there standing in the doorway was…

"Hi, I'm Jasper Hale." He said with a few casual flicks of his blond mane, which set off a chorus of giggles and even a slight glare from Trombone.

"Yeah. Hi." she barked, completely unaffected by his blonde splendour.

He flashed her a dazzling smile and said "I was transferred into this class today." with two more casual flicks of his head.

"Well, what do you play?" she said, in her meanest, most military-like voice.

"I play…" two more casual flicks. "The _triangle_." He said in his most seductive voice.

"Well, that's alright. We don't have any of those. Go. Sit. Play." She barked, waving her hand in the general direction of the other students and once again re-entering her secret lair.

Suddenly, CHAD BROWN pops his head in the doorway. "Hello everyone. Have a good first day!"

Bella's head snaps upwards and she screeches "CHAD BROWN!!!!" while flailing her arms in the air.

A random kid pops up at the window and repeats Bella's behaviour by yelling "CHAD BROWN!" and then running away.

Everyone stared for a few moments, and then resumed what they were doing before Jasper had come.

Jasper began gliding gracefully across the classroom seemingly unnoticed as his eyes scanned the room. He paused when he reached his target.

"Jasper Hale is looking at you." said Jessica in her girly voice, poking ….Jacob(?) in the ribs.

"Wot?" he said looking around franticly, his eyes wide with confusion.

Alice slapped Jacob on the back of the head. "He's looking at _me._" She hissed. "Jazz! Over here!" she said, waving, suddenly her dark mood lifted when her eyes met his.

He glided over to them and sat next to Alice, causally slipping his arm around her waist. "Fancy meeting you here, Alice."

Suddenly Jacob started snapping his fingers in Jasper's face. "Oi, Oi, Oi, Oi, Oi, Oi!"

Jasper looked down his nose at Jacob. "What do _you_ want?"

"Hiya! I'm Jacob! This is Bella!" gesturing dramatically in Bella's general direction.

"I know Bella. Why do smell like dog?"

"Ha! I do not!" he said, whining a little. "Bella, do I smell like dog?" he asked, grabbing her face and forcing it against his chest. "Breathe deeply now."

"Urg. You smell fine." she said, her voice muffled a little. "Do you think you could let me go now?"

"Oh yeah." he said releasing Bella from his werewolf-strong grip. "So take THAT Mr Hale. Bella said I smell fine and dandy! AND DANDY!"

Everyone is so used to this type of behaviour that no one even glances in his direction.

"PLAY TIME, EVERYONE!!" Yelled Ms., brandishing a thick stack of sheet music with impossibly high notes and many codas and other miscellaneous confusing objects. "This one is March of the Gingerbread Man!" She barked. "We played it for the Queen in '82 in the military band. Quite the solid piece." She snapped her fingers calling for Kim and Molly to pass out the papers. They quickly got out of their seats and walked to the front to hand out parts while giving each other comical expressions of boredom and dislike. Once everyone was comfortably seated with their respective pieces, she raised her baton and waved it dramatically. "This piece is in 27/32 time. Very fast, with short notes. Play quickly now!" and with that she begin waving her baton with such speed that it appeared she was having a seizure.

The band raised their instruments and grudgingly began to play the piece, with a few mumbles from some at the back.

It sounded absolutely awful, all except for Jacob, and Trombone. (of course). Ms swept her baton dramatically yelling "STOP!" and smacking Bella across the face. This caused Bella to drop her clarinet clumsily. Alice went to grab the clarinet before it hit the floor, but her heroic efforts were thwarted because she hit Bella in the back of the head with her flute.

Alice handed Bella her clarinet gently patting her on the shoulder as Jacob burst out in laughter from his place amongst his fellow trumpets. Alice glared at him muttering "I'll see you after class, Mr Jacob Black!" so quietly that only the super-natural beings in the room could hear. Jacob's laughter immediately seized, replaced by a low chuckle from Jasper.

Of course, his laugher was ended when he received a vicious glare from Ms. "And what do we find so funny, Mr Hale?"

Jasper's head ducked down, now under the protection of lustrous bangs. "Nothing Ms." he muttered sullenly. 

"Back to business people! That was awful! Didn't you see the 17 codas? And flutes, you were supposed to play in the key of E flat natural! It's normally undetected by the human ear, but I can still hear it." screeched Ms.

"I can't hear it Ms!" said Kim cheerfully.

Followed by a "I can't hear it either!" from Molly.

The rest of the class nodded their heads in agreement.

"We'll work on it." barked Ms. "And Trombone, fabulous job!" she said batting her eyelashes and giving him her most seductive smile.

"Ms! Ms! How did I do, Ms?" called Jacob, bouncing in his seat with anticipation.

"Well Jacob, the notes were played correctly, but you were off-key. It's supposed to be da-da-da-da-du-da not da-da-da-da-du-du!"

"I was da-da-da-da-du-da-ing perfectly! I even played the dum-dum-dum right!" cried Jacob.

"You got the dumb part right." mutter Jasper sarcastically.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?" cried Jacob, while being restrained by Oana and Lilly so that he didn't lunge at Jasper.

"Yes Jasper, let's say we go over your part now." sneered Ms. "You were a little off on…EVERYTHING! John, Andrea, play along with Jasper. See if he can do anything right." Ms waved her baton summing them to play.

John and Andrea started playing and Ms waiting expectantly for his big solo. The entire class turned to watch. Jasper blinked wide and hard two times and completely froze.

The entire class became panic-stricken and started to scream while Alice and Jacob began rolling on the floor with laughter. Jasper blinked again, hit the triangle half-heartedly, while the class continued to scream. Ms began to sob uncontrollably, while Bella threw her books in the air in panic, hitting Jessica straight on the head, knocking her unconscious.

Then Bella began to sob as well, yelling "I'VE KILLED HER!!"

Alice and Jacob managed to drag themselves off the floor so they could survey the havoc Jasper had brought upon the class. Once they realized what had happened, they collapsed in laughter once again. Jacob had noticed Bella crying, and after wiping his own tears if laughter, he walked over to console her.

Jacob wrapped his arms around her and said comfortingly "Calm down Bella. Everything is okay."

"EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY! I"VE KILLED JESSICA! I'VE MURDERED HER WITH A BOOK!" sobbed Bella into his chest.

While Jacob frantically attempted to calm Bella, Alice marched over to the percussion section, bringing a new wave of panic onto the class. She grabbed Jasper by the shirt collar, pulling him close to her. She began angrily running her fingers through his hair.

He gave her a questioning look and asked "Alice what are you doing?"

"Calming myself down." she replied through gritted teeth. She pulled his face close to hers and whispered in her most frightening, vampire-like voice "Jasper Whitlock Hale. I don't care how panicked you are about your stupid triangle. I do not want the rest of the class to hear about it, feel it, or notice it in any way, shape or form. Do you understand? DO YOU?"

"Yes ma'am." he replied, gulping.

"Now fix it!" Alice cried.

As soon as the words left her mouth, the class's wails subsided into gentle sobs, which eventually calmed into an awkward silence which was only occasionally broken by a slight giggle at the sight of Ms crying.

Ms reddened and after wiping her eyes said "Jasper, you need some work." and with that she shuffled into her office.

The second the door closed, the class began gossiping about the events that just occurred. Jessica slowly regained coconsciousness and the **other **Jacob rushed to get her an ice pack. While Alice dragged Jasper over to Bella and Jacob.

"Jasper would like to apologize to you Bella." said Alice coldly.

"YEAH! APOLOGIZE!" said Jacob in an accusatory manner, refusing to release his grasp on Bella. She gentle pulled away so that she could face Jasper.

Jasper started at his feet and mumbled "Sorry Bella."

"It's alright." she said sighing. "So now that we've saved Easter, I kinda wanna know. How is it that you and Jacob didn't get affected by Jasper's panic attack?" she asked Alice.

Alice smiled and said "That's cause we've got…"

"SELF CONTROL!" yelled Alice and Jacob in unison while slapping five.

"Oh please!" muttered Jasper.

"Oh please yourself. You play the triangle. That's a bit gay, don't you think?" said Jacob.

"It's not gay! It's a very vital part of every good band! How would you feel if you were listening to a piece and you couldn't hear the 'ding' of the triangle?" Jasper replied.

"I already know how that feels. Ya never play." Jacob replied triumphantly.

"Well what about the trumpet? That's not very manly!" replied Jasper, desperately attempting to change the subject.

"WHAT? WHAT? Not manly? Look at us! We're the manliest instrument ever!" yelled Jacob, gesturing to the trumpet section.

They looked over his shoulder to observe the trumpets.

"Are you calling us manly?" said Kim.

"I'm taking no offence." replied George.

"I think he _is_ calling us manly!" said Oana.

"Let's kill him." said Lilly and with that the three girls ran towards Jacob with their trumpets raised.

Bella stepped in front of Jacob. "If you want to hurt him, you're going to have to hurt me as well."

They all stopped for a moment, shrugged, and continued advancing towards them.

Suddenly, the door to the music room burst open and in stepped…

Almost Edward! He charged forward and stood protectively in front of Bella. The trumpets paused in confusion. Almost Edward cried "TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

"Alright. We're not too picky about who we beat." and with that they began bashing their trumpets over Almost Edward's head for 5 minutes straight.

When they were finally finished, Almost Edward crumpled into a heap at Bella's feet, reaching for her hand. He whispered feebly "Can I be Edward now, Bella?"

She paused and said "Thank for saving me Edward….Almost."

"No!!!" cried Almost Edward, dragging himself out of the music room dejectedly. Bella returned to her group friends.

"Trumpet is still manlier." muttered Jacob, quiet enough so that his fellow trumpets couldn't hear.

"Why don't we let the girls decide?" said Jasper, annoyed.

"Well ladies, what do you think is the most manly instrument?" said Jacob in a highly seductive voice.

The girls looked at each other and squealed "TROMBONE!" Which caused all the other females in the class to let out a chorus of "OOHHHHHH!"

Ms then came out of her office, with an obvious extra coat of mascara on her eyelashes. She fluttered them and said "Good work today Trombone."

Trombone nodded and played a "womp-womp-woh-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!!!"

Both the boys huffed and looked at Trombone with disgust.

"He's not all that good." muttered Jacob.

"Not that good looking either." replied Jasper.

"Ya know, you might suck at triangle, but at least better than him." said Jacob, nodding his head in Trombone's general direction.

"Agreed." said Jasper

"Friends?" asked Jacob sticking out his hand.

"Friends." replied Jasper, shaking it.

"And so, the legacy begins." muttered Alice.

**A/N We hope you guys liked it and weren't too confused. Tell us what you think! The next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Also, please note, we have nothing against out music teacher. Alice & Bella **


	3. Christmas Shopping

**Bella: DECK THE HALLS WITH BELLS OF HOLLY!**

**Jacob: FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA!**

**Bella: 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY!**

**Jacob: FA-LA-LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LA!**

**Bella: SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING!**

**Jacob: FA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA!**

**Bella: SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING, SOMETHING!**

**Bella & Jacob: FA-LA-LA LA-L….**

**Jasper: WILL YOU SHUT UP! Alice and I are TRYING to sleep!**

**Jacob: Ya can't sleep! Remember?**

**Jasper: Well that's beyond the point! We are trying to spend some quality time together.**

**Jacob: raises eyebrows Whatcha doin' in there?**

**Jasper: That's really none of your business.**

**Jacob: It's none of my business? nudges Jasper and winks Good for you, mate. Good for you.**

**Alice: walks into the room What's going on out here?**

**Jasper: Jacob is being perverted.**

**Alice: Aren't you guys supposed to be telling the story about Christmas Shopping?**

**Bella: Well, yeah…I guess….it's just…..CHRISTMAS CAROLS!**

**Jacob: FA-LA-LA…**

**Jasper: Haven't we made them wait long enough? Let's get on with the story, please. I'd rather not hear your voice anymore.**

It was the magical time of the year. The time of year when everyone was bustling about the mall. Buying packages, boxes and bags. The magical four were all nestled into Alice's lime green Volkswagen **(Don't ask.) **on their way to the mall. 

Once they arrived, Jacob sprung out of the car, and ran through the crowded parking lot, screaming "TIME TO CHRISTMAS SHOP, JASPER!" 

Alice, attempting, but sadly failing, to contain her excitement, grabbed Bella's wrist, dragging her out of the car. She gave Jasper a quick kiss goodbye "Have fun guys. Please, be tolerant of Jacob, Jasper dear. He gets a little over excited, just like me….anyways, bye." she said, at high speed half walking away while she said it. Then she turned quickly to Bella, slowing her speech just enough for Bella to understand. "Now we've got a lot of ground to cover, Bella. There are 12 stores with sales on today and we will be hitting all of them. There will be 30 minutes allotted for a Yougn Fruitz break, then another 30 minutes after we meet with the boys. We will probably be forced to have some Orange Julius, no thanks to your precious _Jacob_" she sneered. 

"Damn straight!" yelled Jacob in passing. 

They all entered through the Chapter's entrance, where Bella began to stray towards the books. Alice slapped her in the back of the head, causing her to drop the book with a dull thud. Jasper scooped it up and gazed at the title. "Twilight….looks interesting." Everyone paused as Jasper quickly flipped through the book. As he was doing that, Jacob snatched up Eclipse while Bella reached for New Moon. Alice simply tapped her foot and rolled her eyes. "I think these are about us!" said Jasper, his eyes wide with shock. "Yeah it says right here, Jasper Hale." 

"Well this makes me look like a complete git!" Jacob exclaimed, slapping the cover of Eclipse. 

"This makes you look a little better." said Bella, referring to New Moon. 

"Guys do you know what the weirdest part is?" said Jasper, his eyes continuing to widen until they looked far too large for his face. 

Everyone, even Alice, looked up in interest. 

"Almost Edward….he's….well…he's completely Edward!" cried Jasper. 

"No!" said Bella in shock. 

"Lemmie see!" said Jacob, ripping the book from Jasper's grip. "My gosh! And he's dead sexy!" 

"Well, I think that Almost Edward guy is pretty hot himself. What a piece of man-meat!" mumbled a 'mysterious' voice. 

They turned to see Almost Edward, pretending to not listen, while snatching up as many copies of Twilight as his little arms could muster. They just stared at him. 

"TIME TO SHOP!" yelled Alice, grabbing Bella's arm and dragging her away. "Bye boys! Meet you at 0800 hours!" 

"Does she even know what time that is?" asked Jacob, staring at their retreating figures. 

"No, but it's still adorable." Jasper replied with a loving look on his face. 

"TO THE ORANGE JULIUS!" yelled Jacob suddenly, throwing his arms in the air in triumph. 

**Back with Alice and Bella…**

"Oh. My. Gosh. Bella, you have GOT to try this on!" said Alice brandishing a purple tank top at Bella. "Jacob would soo love this!" 

"That's what you said about the other 50 outfits!" said Bella, her voice muffled slightly from the heaps of clothes on top of her. "Besides, aren't we supposed to be getting gifts for the guys?" 

"But Bella, this store is called JACOB! Jacob would love it! Besides, you want to look pretty for him, so really, it IS gifts for him! Now go to the change room and try these on!" yelled Alice, not-so-gently pulling Bella along, carrying her own massive stack of clothing for herself. 

A prim looking sales lady marched up to them and said "Excuse me ladies, you can only bring 5 items in the change room at one time." 

"Are you sure we can only bring 5 items?" asked Alice, batting her eyelashes. 

"Yes." said the sales lady stiffly. 

Alice, looking at her name tag, said "Linda? Really Linda? Well, do you have any male co-workers I can speak to?" 

"No. We only employ woman." barked Linda. 

"Well that's a bit sexist." said Alice, dropping all the clothes on the floor and walking towards the exit. "Come on Bella, we have better places to be." 

"Now do you want banana, peach, strawberry, or passion fruit?" said Jacob, looking at the Orange Julius menu in front of him and Jasper. 

"Well hi, Jacob!" said the girl working at the counter. "Back again? Personally, I would get the Passion Fruits." 

"Well Jasper, what would you like?" asked Jacob, tilting his head in Jasper's general direction. "Are you a passion fruits kinda guy?" 

"Considering I don't eat, I'm guessing I'm not." said Jasper. 

The girl at the counter gasped. "Hon, is he anorexic or something?" she muttered to Jacob. 

"Well yeah." said Jacob with a slight mischievous grin on his face. "I've been trying to get this boy to eat for quite some time." 

"He's so pale." she whispered. "He must be so faint with hunger!"  
Jasper simply glared. 

"Ya know what, Darla, I think I will have the Passion Fruits." said Jacob. 

"Tell you what, I'll give you an extra large smoothie for free, since you're such a good customer." said Darla with a meaningful look in Jasper's direction. 

She slid the drinks over the counter and said "Now I don't want to be a busy-body, but you drink up dear. If you don't I'm gonna have to call a help line for you, and I don't think we want that." she patted Jacob's hand and said "You're such a great friend." 

"No. Thank _you_, Darla." Jacob said winking and sliding her a tip. 

"Now I want to see you drink that please!" Darla yelled as they went to get a seat, waving her cell phone at them. 

Jasper looked like he was ready to kill someone, particularly Jacob, as he was steered into the seats right in front of Orange Julius. 

Jacob patted Jasper on the shoulder and said "Drink up, mate. You'll be alright." 

Jasper glared, muttering something about murdering Jacob, and took a swig of his Passion Fruits smoothie. 

Darla began to clap loudly and yelled across the way "Good for you! That's one step in the right direction!" 

Jasper forced a smile and took another small drink as to not seem rude. 

**Meanwhile, with Alice and Bella…**

"Well, those stores with the male workers were MUCH kinder." yelled Alice as she and Bella walked by Jacob's with 15 shopping bags. 

Linda glared at Alice, still attempting to clean up the pile of clothes they abandoned on the floor. 

"Shouldn't we get the boys' gifts now?" asked Bella. 

Alice looked at her watch. "I gue…ACTUALLY, IT'S YOUGN FRUITZ TIME!" 

Bella looked a bit frightened, but obliged. I mean, it _was _Yougn Fruitz after all. Besides, there was really no point in arguing with Alice. 

Alice slid gracefully to the counter. "Good afternoon my good sir. I believe we are ready for some Yougn Fruitz." 

"That would be why you're here." said the emo boy working at the counter. 

"Jackson." said Alice, reading the name tag again. "Well, Jackson dear, we may have wanted a beverage instead." 

"Well then you could have just gone to Orange Julius. They have way better drinks." said Jackson, the emo boy. 

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" could be heard being yelled by Jacob from the other side of the mall. 

"We could have, I suppose, but I like it here _so_ much better." said Alice, fluttering her eyelashes ever so slightly. 

"Yeah. Whatever. Just pick something. You're presence is effecting my aura." said Jackson, turning up the screamo being blared from his ipod. 

Alice, slightly taken aback replied "Well fine then. I'll clear out of your aura, because my aura is CRYSTAL CLEAR….right after you give me my Yougn Fruitz, that is. You're lucky I like it here so much. Bella, what would you like?" 

"Uhh…vanilla please." said Bella. 

"Vanilla is lame. That means _you _are lame." said Jackson McEmo-Face. 

"Two vanillas." Alice chirped. 

"Two?" asked Bella. 

"Yeah, one. Two. Not that difficult of a task. Are you incompetent? You see, I value competence." said Jackson with a sudden burst of a bit of personality. 

CHAD BROWN comes out of The Bay and says "Good show of values Jackson. Very good show." and leaves. 

"CHAD BROWN!!!" yells Bella at his retreating figure. 

"Here's your frozen yogurt. Get out of my life." said Jackson, all traces of a personality vanished. 

"Bye Jackson!" said Alice waving "I'll be seeing you later." and with that she and Bella were off. 

As they were walking, Alice scooped up some Yougn Fruitz and was about to put it in her mouth. "Alice what the salty fruitcake do you think you're doing?" screeched Bella. 

"I'm eating my Yougn Fruitz!" Alice replied happily, and with that she put it in her mouth. 

"Dude, ya don't eat." said Bella in shock. 

"I SAID, I'M EATING MY YOUGN FRUITZ!!!!" screeched Alice, continuing to eat it happily. 

Bella nodded looked frightened and said "Carry on then." 

**Meanwhile, at La Senza…  
**

"NO! I am NOT going in there!" yelled Jasper, trying to pull from Jacob's grip. 

"Aww come on, mate! It's not that bad! I've been in there tons of times!" replied Jacob. 

"With, or without Bella?" asked Jasper. 

"No comment." said Jacob, finally pulling him into the fiery depths of hell.  
Jacob dashed from rack-to-rack, gazing with an experienced eye at all the items on sale. Jasper was awkwardly following close behind Jacob making sure no one he knew could see him. 

Suddenly, Jessica walked by and Jasper, being the worrisome little being that he is, dived his head into the basket of 20 off panties. When Jasper finally resurfaced, Jacob patted him on the shoulder and said "There ya go, mate. Now you've got the hang of it. Why don't you come over here and look at the matching sets." 

Jasper froze where he was, staring at Jacob with a mix of admiration and fear. Jacob, noticing that Jasper was not behind him, grabbed a shamrock patterned bra, and flung it expertly at Jasper's head. It landed perfectly on his left ear and hung. Jacob yelled "LUCK OF THE IRISH! Look at my skills! Alice would like that, right? She likes green, doesn't she? I mean, she has a green car." Jasper just stayed planted where he was with a look of complete shock on his features. "Oh look! I found the matching panties!" yelled Jacob, flinging those as well where it landed directly on top of Jasper's head like a Children's Place toque. "Ya look like a bit of a player, mate. Might wanna take the lingerie off your head." 

Jasper, finally realizing his surroundings, yanked them off of his head and marched over to Jacob. "Are we done here?" 

"Nope. We're just getting started." said Jacob. "Ooh! Look, 50 off!" and with that he started off towards a new shelve. Jasper looked down and shuffled his feet as he grudgingly followed him. 

**Back with the girls…**

"Bella, I want to take you to a new place. It's just around the corner. I have a feeling that you might like it." said Alice, pulling Bella along with a malicious grin on her face. 

"I'm frightened." replied Bella. "Where's Almost Edward when you bloody well need him?" 

Almost Edward walks by, carrying about 70 bags from Chapters. "Hi Bella! Want a free Twilight book?" 

"Go away Almost Edward! Bella and I have some unfinished business to attend to." said Alice, flailing her arms at him. 

Bella, with eyes full of fear mouthed "Save me!" to Almost Edward, but since he was only _Almost_ Edward, he couldn't even read her lips. 

"Have a nice day to you too, Bella!" he said waving and completely clueless. 

"Ahh here we are, Bella." said Alice. 

Bella looked up and read the name. "Strings n' Things? What is it, some sort of sting shop?" 

"Something of the sort." said Alice, her evil grin widening. 

Suddenly a man with a black bow tie and Speedo walked up to them and bowed low. "Hello Alice. Good to see you again. Who's your friend?" asked the mysterious stranger. 

"HANK! How lovely to see you! This is Bella. It's her first time here." responded Alice. 

Bella just stared with a look of horror on her face "What kind of place of torture is this?" 

"Well, let me give you the tour." said Hank, winking and grabbing Bella's wrist. Alice reached for his other hand and they skipped into the store with Bella stumbling along beside them. 

A chorus of "Hi Alice!" 's commenced from all the other employees dressed exactly like Hank. 

"Hey everyone!" Alice answered gleefully. 

"Babe, you still with that Jasper-fool?" asked a particularly buff-looking employee from the back. 

"He's not a fool, Muscle-Hide! And yes, I'm still very much with him. Why do you think I'm here?" asked Alice. 

A chorus of "awww" 's were called out, but Alice simply ignored them and got down to business. 

"Carry on Hank. There are many bases to cover for young Bella here." said Alice. "She's still quite the innocent girl." 

All the muscled men looked over at Bella where she still had a look of complete dread and horror on her face. "Alice, how on earth do you know all these strange men?" asked Bella. 

"Rosalie never told you that story?" asked Alice, her eyebrows slightly raised. "Oh, well, best be saved for another day." 

With that they began walking though the store pausing when Hank stopped to show Alice the new shipments. "I think you'll really like these, Ally!" he said. "100 pure silk!" 

"Ooh! It's so soft!" cried Alice. "You always know what I like, Hank. Here, Bella, feel this! It's amazing!" 

"What….is it, exactly?" asked Bella. 

"Why Bella, I thought you would know." said Hank, in his extremely manly voice. "It's a 100 certified… 

"Oh my God, guys!" yelled Sparkles from a distance, while prancing through the store. "We are like, so, almost out of man thongs! All that's left is like, neon pink and purple, and it's like, who's gonna buy that, besides, like, me." 

Suddenly realization dawned on Bella's face. "No! No! I don't want to touch it!" she screamed, but it was too late, for Hank was already rubbing it against the side of Bella's face. 

"See Bella. Can't you feel how lovely it is?" asked Hank, continuing to rub the neon thong against her face. 

All the colour in Bella's face drained. "Could you just STOP!" she yelled running out of the store. 

"Bella come back!" yelled Alice, clutching the undergarments and shaking them in her raised fists. Hank trailed after Alice, his Speedo squeaking as he ran. 

Bella continued to run all the way to Yougn Fruitz, knowing full well that she would be able to stop Alice in her tracks. When she finally reached the counter, Jackson looked up. 

"You again? What's your problem?" Jackson said sarcastically. 

Suddenly Alice rounded the corner, still clutching the neon thong in her fist with Hank right behind her. She screamed "Just give it a chance Bella!" 

Hank yelled "Yes Bella, give it a chance! You know you love it!" 

"I _seen _it, Bella! I _seen _that you loved it!" cried Alice, tapping her temple. 

"Oh." replied Jackson "I get it now." 

"Yeah, I've got some real problems." replied Bella merrily. 

"Me as well." replied Jackson, whipping his handy dandy razor blade. 

Alice and Hank finally reached the counter. "NO! NOT YOUGN FRUITZ! My one true weakness!" cried Alice, collapsing to her knees. 

"And I'm buying! You can have _anything_ you'd like." said Bella. 

"Come on Alice, you can do this." Hank said with his head bowed down low, rubbing her shoulders in a coach-like manor. 

"I'm sorry Hank. I'm not strong enough." Alice said bowing her head and handed over the neon thong in defeat. 

"It's okay Ally," Hank said stroking her hand and grabbing the undergarments. "You tried your best." 

"Yeah I suppose," said Alice very somber. "But If you sent us our special orders before Christmas then I would be _very _happy." she said, suddenly very cheerful. 

"Anything for you Ally!" Hank said, bouncing away, generally happy with himself and his mission. 

"Special orders?" asked Bella, all former traces of playfulness vanished. 

"I _knew_ you would bolt on me, so I decided to pre-order some very _special _presents!" said Alice, winking slightly. "So, you're buying? Two vanillas please." 

Bella simply stood in shock and silently paid for the frozen yougurt. Jackson sullenly handed over the yougurt and the girls went to sit.

**Back with the boys…  
**

"So Jasper, have you come to a decision yet?" asked Jacob holding up two different sets and waving them in Jasper's face. "The shamrocks? Or the ones that say Sassy on the rear?" 

"I don't really feel comfortable with purchasing these types of…items." replied Jasper. 

"How 'bout I get them for you and you can pay me back after. I mean, it's _so_ worth it." Jacob replied. 

"How exactly is it worth it?" asked Jasper.

"Well come on, isn't it obvious?" asked Jacob. "I mean, lets picture the shamrocks for a sec. Can't you just _see_ Alice in those?" 

"Can you _not_ see her?" asked Jasper looking down. 

"And then think about the Sassy ones for a minute. Is Alice _sassy,_ Jasper? I think she is." Jacob said with a wink. 

"Can you STOP picturing Alice, PLEASE?" screamed Jasper. 

"Well, mate, somebody's gotta do it. Now how about Bella?" asked Jacob, holding up to different sets. "Could you see her with the blue with dolphins, or the pink with the starfish?" 

"I can see her in…NEITHER!" yelled Jasper, clearly uncomfortable. 

"Well come on, I helped with Alice, now you gotta help me with Bella! PICTURE IT!" cried Jacob. 

"How is calling my wife 'sassy' helpful in any way?" Jasper cried. 

"Oh, so ya like the sassy ones then? Alrighty, I'll go get them for you." Said Jacob, walking towards the counter. "I'm getting these for my best friend's wife." He told the sales lady, beaming with pride. 

"I'M NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND!" cried Jasper, lunging at Jacob. 

The two super-natural beings collided and hit the floor. 

The sales lady muttered "I can see you're a bit more than friends." While walking away. 

"OK, OK! I GET IT. SHAMROCKS!" said Jacob, raising his arms in defeat. 

Jasper actually backed off at his words. "That's better." He replied curtly. 

Jacob stood up and brushed himself off a bit. "Well that's great mate, I'm gonna go pay, and you can grab us some more Orange Julius! They'll come to about $40" Jacob said, holding out his hand expectantly. 

"Uh, yeah, sure." Said Jasper, somehow distracted as he pulled out his wallet and handed Jacob the cash. 

The second that Jacob had his back turned, Jasper bolted. He ran through the mall as fast as his legs could carry him, yelling "ALICE! SAVE ME! HELP ME PLEASE!" at the pedestrians in passing. 

**Alice and Bella…  
**

"Eww. Jackson got his emo-blood all over my frozen yougurt!" cried Bella. 

"Yum!" cried Alice gleefully. "Let's trade!" 

They swapped yougurts and sat down at the nearest bench. Suddenly they heard a "pst!" from the bushes behind them. 

Both girls turned to look, and there was poor Jasper hiding in the bushes. His hair was sticking up in multiple places and there were odd little branches and leaves. 

"JASPER! What did you do to your beautiful hair!" cried Alice. "Come and sit with us so I can fix it!" 

"He'll find us!" hissed Jasper, and with that he pulled both girls in the bushes with him. 

"Who'll find us, Jasper?" asked Bella, as usual, confused. 

"JASPER! JASPER! WHERE ARE YOU?" called Jacob rounding the corner. 

"We're over he-" started Bella. 

"SHUT UP!" hissed Jasper, clamping her mouth shut. 

"But he looks so sad!" cried Bella. 

"NO!" yelled Jasper. 

"Can we at least get out of these bushes?" asked Alice, clearly annoyed by Jasper's latest shenanigan. 

Jasper looked up and said "I think I have an idea…" 

**With little lost Jacob…  
**

Jacob continued shuffling along, his cries growing more pitiful. "JASPER? JASPER? ORANGE JULIUS?" he called. 

He wandered to the new section of the mall. "WHERE AM I?" Jacob cried. 

Suddenly, he noticed the Help Desk and ran over. "MISS!" he cried. "I've lost my friend!" he said, looking on the verge of tears. 

**In the depths of Children's Place…  
**

"HAHA! He'll _never_ find us here!" cried Jasper, sounding slightly insane. 

"Jasper, dear, you _always_ go here." Said Alice. 

"He won't recognize me if I wear this!" cried Jasper, slapping on a blue and grey striped toque with a large pom-pom on the top. 

"YOU GO HERE ALL THE TIME? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF CHILD RAPIST?" cried Bella. 

"I just appreciate the arts of toques, and they make a _very_ fine toque here!" Jasper cried. 

"Now Jasper, dear, do you remember what the kind doctor told you about this place?" asked Alice, getting slightly impatient. 

"That I can't go here." Jasper said. 

"And when is it that you can't go here, Jasper?" asked Alice. 

"Ever." He said, dejectedly. 

"Jasper Hale, you friend, Jacob Black is looking for you. Please come get him at the Help Desk before I go mad." Boomed the loud speaker.

At the sound of the loud speaker, Jasper dove into the centre of a rack of children's jackets yelling "THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!"

Everyone in the store turned to look at Jasper, and a few of the mothers protectively grabbed their children's hands. Alice reached into the rack, swiftly yanking Jasper out from his fortress. "Alright. That's enough of your nonsense." she said and then turning to Bella, said "Let's go get your boyfriend." With that they marched out of Children's Place, dragging Jasper behind them.

"NO! You won't take me alive!" cried Jasper, as Alice seized his arm, rolling her eyes at Bella.

"Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?" said Alice in a mocking tone.

"What did he even do to you, Jasper?" asked Bella.

"I don't want to talk about it! Shamrocks…SHAMKROCKS!" he yelled, shivering slightly.

**At the Help Desk…**

"THEY'RE NEVER COMING FOR ME! I FEEL SO ALONE! WHY DO YOU MOCK ME CREUL FATE?" cried Jacob, sobbing to no one in particular.

"They. Are. Coming." said the lady working the Help Desk. "Now, sit down, and please, be quiet."

Suddenly, Bella, Alice, and Jasper all rounded the corner.

"You came! You came!" Jacob said, and he started running toward their general direction.

Bella stood waiting with her arms outstretched, but Jacob flew past her and threw himself at Jasper, sobbing in his shoulder. Jasper simply patted his back awkwardly saying "Yeah. I was coming."

Bella snorted saying "Yeah. Right."

Once Jacob finally released his grasp on Jasper, he handed him a large bag with the words "La Senza" scrawled across the side. Winking slightly, Jacob said "Here's those _gifts_ you wanted." and finally walked over to Bella's side.

"OOH! PRESENTS?" squealed Alice. After reading the side of the bag, she asked "Are those for me?" while running her fingers through Jasper's hair.

"Uh, you could say that." replied Jasper, obviously dazed.

"And I helped him pick them out!" cried Jacob, beaming with pride.

Bella's eyes widened a bit and said "I think I can relate to your current mental state, Jasper"

"Oh. I guess you guys did some shopping of your own. Are your muscle-ly man friends still after me?"

"Aw honey, they're under complete control." said Alice, while pulling out what looked like a miniature flexing, and over-muscled arm. She waved it in their faces and shoved it in her purse.

"What was that?" said Bella, obviously a bit frightened.

"Another day, Bella. Another day." replied Alice, while patting her on the arm gently.

"ORANGE JULIUS!!" cried Jacob.

"Well, alright. But only because Jasper was so very mean to you." said Alice.

"Mean? I wasn't mean!" cried Jasper, while they all walked toward the Orange Julius stand. Everyone glared at Jasper, and continued walking. Jasper started mumbling indubitably, although a few words that could be heard were "panties, head and anorexic."

The girls walked off to order while the boys went to get a table. Surprisingly enough, the girls were met at the counter by none other than Almost Edward.

"Well hello there Bella. You're looking _completely _Bella-ish today!" he said happily from his place behind the counter.

"And you are looking the picture of an Almost Edward." said Bella.

Almost Edward looked down sadly, his giant orange shaped hat wobbling feebly from it's perch on top of his head. While the girls waiting at the counter, Alice yelled to Jasper "Oh honey, I almost forgot! I'll be able to make it to your game tonight!"

"Game? What game?" asked Jacob.

"Football." muttered Jasper, still a bit frightened to be alone with Jacob.

"Football? Well that's a bit gay, don't you think?" said Jacob matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean _gay_?" asked Jasper.

"Well, ya know. Sweaty men in tight pants, jumping on top of each other? That sounds pretty gay to me. I don't know what kind of macho man appearance about football you have got in your head right about now, but let me tell you, it is _wrong._" said Jacob.

Jasper silently punched Jacob in the face.

Jacob rubbed his cheek a little and said "Now there's no need to resort to violence, but honestly, I don't even know if that could be referred to as violence. That was a pretty sissy punch if you ask me."

"AHH!" screamed Jasper, throwing himself across the table at Jacob. They rolled across the floor and jumped up on top of Orange Julius.

Jasper ripped out a giant carrot from the top of the stand yelling "Engarde!"

Jacob pulled out his own carrot, yelling "Two can play at the game!" and with that, they were in an epic duelling match.

Bella stood transfixed underneath the overhang of the Orange Julius stand. "My Lord! He just looks so…so…wow."

"It's against store policy to steal our vegetables!" yelled Almost-Edward, shaking his fist at them.

"SHUT UP, ALMOST EDWARD! I'M SICK OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID RANTS!" roared Jasper, while continuing to duel.

"Wow. Look how assertive he's being! You go, Jasper!" cried Alice from her seat. Her eyes wandered upward and suddenly she seen it. "Oh. My. God. Jasper! That banana is the _exact_ _same _shade as your hair!" She squealed with delight and joined them on top of the Orange Julius stand. Happily, she ripped out the banana, and held it next to his hair.

As soon Alice had jumped up, the stand started to shake uncontrollably. Both boys abandoned their duel and jumped off from either side, landing gracefully on the ground. Alice leaped forward, the banana still in hand, and landed perfectly as well. They we all out of harms way, except…

"NOOO! NOT BELLA!" cried Almost Edward, hurling himself across the counter and knocking Bella backward, right before the stand collapsed.

Bella was safe. Unfortunately, Almost Edward was not. There he lay, underneath the rubble. "Call…an ambulance!" cried Almost Edward.

"Well guys, I think we've caused enough trouble for one day. Let's go home." said Alice.

"Yeah!" they all replied in unison. Jacob wrapped his arm around Bella's waist, while Alice linked her arm in Jasper's, while leaning against him. They gently stepped over Almost Edward and walked towards the exit. Happily ever after.

**A/N Well there's 22 pages of fan fiction-y goodness. Sorry it took it so long, but I think you can understand why. This is actually the very chapter that started it all. Hope you like it! Please review. Thanks to anyone who's a fan!**


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